DAY ONE Driving to the Lake of the Ozarks or “Signage is not their strong point.”-Jason Munsch

Our goal was to embark by 5:00 a.m. We rose at 4:15 a.m., one by one, slowly but steadily. Thankfully, everything was packed the night before (or for Jason three hours before) and all we needed to do was pull on our clothes and shoes and set off down I-29. Suddenly, at 4:50 a.m. my mom started texting me pictures and was ready to have a conversation. From Iceland, where it was 9:50 a.m. I quickly shut that line of communication down. Then, after each of us ran back and forth to the house from the car to retrieve at least one hundred last minute items, we finally set off down North Oak Rd.

Unfortunately, we upset Cortona immediately, as she was adamant that we get on I-90. In fact, she wanted us to turn around until Sioux City where suddenly, in her best estimation, we were no longer on a road. It seemed we were a blue dot in a vast grey nothingness. You may wonder why we listened to her tell us to turn around through countless exits, and all I can say is that it was early and at each exit, we were sure Cortona would reroute. It sort of became a game. You may also be wondering why we needed a navigation device to tell us to drive down I-29 for hundreds of miles. That I cannot answer. In any case, Jason finally realized he had not downloaded the maps for Iowa or Nebraska. You see, we were using an old phone that was not connected to the internet and so to Cortona, Iowa and Nebraska did not exist. If the states don’t exist, you can’t drive through them. Instead, you drive through Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, and into Missouri. As if this leg of the trip wasn’t long enough.

While driving down the road through torrential downpours, the boys played MadLibs, with Lucas asking what an adjective was at least 12 times. Of course, they thought the stories were far more funny than they actually were, cackling and whooping as they read.

Once we reached Missouri we came across our first “first”. Dead armadillos lay at the side of the road like racoons. Apparently when armadillos get scared, they jump straight up, sometimes three to four feet, except when they hit the underneath of a car. While we wanted to see a live armadillo, we didn’t necessarily want to see it so close to the road.

Around lunch time, I thought it would be nice to stop someplace scenic and have macaroni and cheese. We settled on the site of the Battle of Lexington from the Civil War. Now I must go on a tangent. For being called “The Show Me State,” Missouri is not very traveler friendly with their signage or more lack thereof. I don’t want to stop along the highway and ask someone to show me the way to the Battle of Lexington, simply put up some signage to lead the way. You may have guessed, but we missed the exit to the Battle of Lexington and kept driving waiting for a sign. Did I mention, there’s no cell service here? Thankfully we had a trusty atlas and figured it out. When we pulled in, Jason whipped up some Mac N Cheese, which was delicious after a forty-minute detour.

The Battle site was not exactly what we had expected as all the trenches had been filled and trees covered the vast majority of the surrounding area. One thing that remained more or less the same was a plantation house converted to a hospital for the three-day battle. It was taken several times in those three days starting with the Union and ending up with the Confederacy. A lovely retired teacher (he had to be) took us on a tour of the home and described the battle along with the homes’ history. All the furniture inside was original as were many of the wall hangings. However, two wall pieces stood out. I mean they really stole the show. Take a breath, because what I am about to describe is both fascinating and disgusting. Like watching people pop cysts on the internet. So, the well-preserved decoration were wreaths made from the former owner’s dead relative’s hair, all woven together and shaped into flowers and fancied up with dried flowers. I’m pretty sure Lucas wanted to bolt when he heard it was dead people’s hair. As we continued through the house, our host pointed out large holes in the plaster where grape shot from cannons had blasted through the windows. It was incredibly intriguing. It may come as no surprise to you, but I was shocked at the end of the tour to learn that I was the only one who thought it was spectacular.        

Back on the road we quickly drove into an area that been hit hard with the passing storms. Enormous trees were uprooted and shattered. A stop light lay smashed under the repair truck which was already repairing the damage. Things did not look good. This was confirmed when we reach our campsite—no electricity, no water. Fantastic. We ended up leaving the camper hooked up so we could just pull around for water in the morning. To end the day, we ate frozen pizzas and then slept like dead horses.